don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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