exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
