if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
