WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize