I think I died a long time ago.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
