Can Purell be used as lube?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
