This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
