Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
