you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
