I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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