remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
