would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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