i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
