So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
