the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
