i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
