Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
