Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
