dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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