Can i not drive my cunt home
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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