yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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