Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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