According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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