Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
