and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
