BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
