Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
