then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
