Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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