I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
