I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
