matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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