At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize