____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
