Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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