so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
