there's paper in my vomit.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
