Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
