I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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