Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
