It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
kristin has been a bad kristin
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
