I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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