In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
