I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
