I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
