worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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