i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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