Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
