yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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