the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize