remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
