Someone shit on the floor
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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