my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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