They should really pass out barf bags in church
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize