I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
