I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
