Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
