I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
