i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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