Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
