he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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