I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
