Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
