sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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