I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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