You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
