Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
