Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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