I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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