At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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