I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
