when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
