My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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