Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I came so hard my ears popped.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
