i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
