Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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