how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
