She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize