yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
