I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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