I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dignity is for republicans.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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